The Perfect Family
by Steve Cross
Summary: Be careful what you wish for,cuz you just might get it. What is "perfect" to you? A script that could become a feature film. But this particular one is for a short film competition so I could


SCENE 1 – IN THE HOUSE /MASTER BEDROOM – DAY - INT.

GEORGE, 46, is well dressed up and looks at himself through the mirror and tries to smile. He has black-grey hair, blue eyes and average body type. MELANIE, 40, enters. She is blonde with blue eyes and nice body. Her clothes are modern but formal

MELANIE

Are you nervous?

GEORGE

I'm fine.

MELANIE

Are you fine fine or Ross fine? You're very nervous, George. I mean, relax, at last!

GEORGE

I think you are the one who's nervous, Melanie.

MELANIE

You're right, you're right. I just wish we could keep this house, you know?

GEORGE

I hope things with work could go back to normal. But I can't do much now, can I?

MELANIE

Well now no but a couple of months ago...

GEORGE

Please don't start again with that job offer! It was too risky!

MELANIE

Oh and now we are in the safest place in the world, right? God, George, if only you listened to me for once. You're such a loser.

(Doorbell rings) Oh my God!

They open up and it's a young couple.

MELANIE

Hello, welcome to our humble home.

GEORGE

I'm George Wellington and this is my wife, Melanie.

MRS. KINGSTON

Hi! I'm Nora and this is Jonathan.

(While going on a tour around the house)

We really loved the exterior of your house and I think this is the best place to start our marriage. We want to be sure that the environment is suitable for a family.

IN MONA'S BEDROOM. They enter and it's a mess.

MELANIE

And here's my daughter's bedroom. It's a bit messy.

(she hides some thongs and sex toys)

MRS. KINGSTON

Don't worry, we understand teenagers. (they go to the window)

GEORGE (WHISPERS)

Are you sure this is our daughter Mona's bedroom? it looks like Taz messed up a teenage Kardashian's bedroom.

(they see TONY, 18, helping MONA, 16, climb down the tree outside the window. She's a trendy teenager with brown hair, hazel eyes and nice body)

GEORGE

What the...? Who is this guy?

(he starts yelling while Melanie drives the couple outside the room)

Take your hands off my daughter, you scum! Mona, you're forever and ever and ever grounded! (Mona gets on his motorbike) Mona!

IN JUSTIN'S BEDROOM. They enter and George comes in a bit later.

MELANIE

We are so sorry about that incident.

MRS. KINGSTON

It's alright. Wow, this room will need a lot of work.

(the room is really messy, furniture is destroyed and the walls are painted horribly)

GEORGE

What the...? How long ago was it when I last came in here?

MR. KINGSTON

Honey, you do realize we'll need a lot of money to repair this house?

MELANIE

Look, Mr. Kingston, I know this needs time and money, but look at it as an investment. It's just the perfect house to keep your family united and happy.

(a SOUND comes from the wardrobe. they open it and they SEE their son JUSTIN, 17, making out with Mike, 17. Justin is blonde, fit, trendy with blue eyes)

GEORGE

NO NO NO! JUSTIN! What...who...? Oh my God!

JUSTIN

Dad, I can explain! Mike is just a friend and we were just playing a game!

GEORGE

Really? What game?

JUSTIN

Seven minutes in heaven?

MRS. KINGSTON

Yea, I think we should go…

MELANIE

Don't you want to see the master bedroom? (they walk away embarrassed)

GEORGE

I can't believe it! Justin, I'm so disappointed in you! So, you're gay? Why? WHY?

JUSTIN

Dad, I love Mike! And we have a serious relationship. I'm like Ricky Martin meeting Carlos Gonzalez!

MIKE

Why do you get to be Ricky?

JUSTIN

He was the one who came out first, so now that my parents know, I'm Ricky!

GEORGE

This is your fault, Melanie!

MELANIE

How is it my fault? if you paid some attention to your family, you'd know what is going on!

GEORGE

Sorry for working too hard so that you could have the perfect house, the perfect car, the perfect clothes...

MELANIE

Oh my God, I bought that Prada dress like ages ago and you keep blaming me for that? You know what? I don't want to see your face right now.

SCENE 2 –IN THE HOUSE/ LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - INT.

George is lain on the couch without being able to sleep. He stands up

SCENE 3 – IN THE STREET – NIGHT – EXT.

George walks around disappointed. He then sits on a bench. After awhile, a HOMELESS LADY, 50, sits next to him.

HOMELESS LADY

Problems with your perfect family? You won't fix this by whining.

GEORGE

Will you leave me alone, please? There are a lot of benches around.

HOMELESS LADY

You are in my house, sir. I can sit wherever I want.

GEORGE

Ha ha funny. (ironically) Will you leave me alone now? Oh screw it... (he stands up ready to leave)

HOMELESS LADY

Whoa, mate, you're so crabbed! Seriously, how long has it been since you last had sex with your wife? (George turns around angry)

GEORGE

Hey, it's not my fault her menopause came earlier! That shit drives her crazy, alright?

HOMELESS LADY

Do you want to change things? Take this. (she gives him a ring)

GEORGE

Is this a proposal? I don't think marrying another woman will make things better!

HOMELESS LADY

No no, you wouldn't afford me, dear. But no, this is not an engagement ring. If you make a wish to the ring, it will come true. (he looks closer at the ring)

GEORGE

A wish? Is this the ring from the Lord of the rings? this is stupid...I'm not going to...(he realizes the homeless lady is gone)

SCENE 4 - IN THE HOUSE - AFTERNOON – INT.

George returns home to see his family arguing out loud

MELANIE

I said no, Mona! You can't go out tonight! You have to study!

MONA

I don't need to study! I will go to X-factor and be the next Britney Spears, okay?

MELANIE

Okay, here's your father, ask him.

MONA

Dad, please, can I go out tonight? I promise we won't ride the motorbike! (Justin enters ready to leave) Hey, where's Justin going?

JUSTIN

Out with Mike? Why do you care?

MONA

Oh, so you let him go out with his boyfriend just because he came out of the closet?

JUSTIN

Shut up, slut, I'm 17 years old, you're 16! That's why I can go out!

MONA

You're not even 18, you arsehole!

MELANIE

I can't deal with this! George, will you PLEASE say something?

(George desperate goes to the master bedroom without saying anything)

MASTER BEDROOM. he looks sad. He then takes the ring out and stares at it.

GEORGE

No, this is stupid. I won't talk to a ring! (he leaves it on the end table. he looks at it for awhile and then decides to make a wish. he holds it and talks to it)Okay, I wish...I wish my family was perfect. My wife, my son, my daughter…just perfect! Did you get it? Of course you didn't, you're a freakin' ring! This will never come true.

SCENE 5 - IN THE HOUSE/ KITCHEN - MORNING - INT.

George enters the kitchen and sees a table full of breakfast. When she sees him she kisses him happy

MELANIE

George! Oh darling, I made perfect breakfast for you and the kids!

GEORGE

Wow! Melanie? It's been years since you last made breakfast! I'm surprised! Where are the kids? Did you wake them up or should I go?

(the kids appear. They're formally dressed and their hair is geeky. They sit on the table and start reading books. George stares at them)

Is it Halloween? What's going on? Is this a joke? Mona? Justin?

MONA

Yes, father? Can I do anything to please you? You know how much I respect you.

GEORGE

Are you rehearsing a play for school?

MONA

Play? No! I don't have time for this. I have a lot to study.

GEORGE

Study? (he starts laughing) sorry, this was impulsive. You? Study? And you, Justin?

JUSTIN

Now I'm just making a revision. Oh, and I also came up with some plans to improve the incomes and save that company you work at.

GEORGE

That's weird. (Melanie packs their lunch and kisses them in the cheek)

MONA

Thanks, mother. Bye, mother. Bye, father. (they go)

GEORGE

Can you believe that, Melanie?

MELANIE

Our children are perfect because we raised them the proper way, darling.

GEORGE

Since when do you call me "darling"? (Melanie kisses him)

MELANIE

Darling, now I would like to have sex with you, if you aren't in a rush to go to work.

GEORGE

To hell with work, they'll go bankrupt anyways. (they start making out) Thank you, ring! thank you, homeless lady!

SCENE 6 - OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - AFTERNOON - EXT.

George arrives and SEES girls jumping on Justin and shouting his name

GEORGE

Did they catch Justin Bieber? Wait, no! (He helps him IN THE HOUSE) Son, are you alright?

JUSTIN

My whole body hurts! Girls have gone crazy all day, you know? CRAZY!

SCENE 7 - IN THE HOUSE / MONA'S BEDROOM - AFTERNOON - INT.

George enters and SEES Mona examining some human feces on the table with OSAMA, 16

GEORGE

What's going on here? What are you doing? Who's that?

MONA

Hello, father. This is Osama from science class.

GEORGE

OH GOD, is this shit on the table?

MONA

Yes, it's human feces or stool. We're trying to find whether it has the bacteria.

GEORGE

Oh God, it smells so bad! Whose shit is that?

MONA

Osama's? It was hard for him to pass because, you know, according to the Bristol Stool Chart it is the 2nd type of feces, the sausage-shaped but lumpy?

GEORGE

I can see that! Jesus, Mona! Why are you examining shit? What were you thinking?

MONA

What? I decided to find a new dream and become a scientist.

GEORGE

Scientist of shit? I prefer Britney Spears to that! God no! (he goes to: the KITCHEN where Melanie cooks)

GEORGE

Hey, did you know Mona is literally examining some guy's shit in her room?

MELANIE

Oh yes! I helped her too! She found out I have Yersinia.

GEORGE

Oh my God, Melanie, please! Would you join me in panicking?

MELANIE

Okay. Dang it. (she continues smiling) Oh darling, you have nothing to be afraid of. (she kisses him) Now I would like to have sex with you as the perfect wife I am.

GEORGE

Melanie, do you even want to do it? (she doesn't react) This isn't right! come on, react! Say I'm a loser! Something! You're a freaking robot! (he goes to Justin's room)

MELANIE

A robot? (smile fades away)

IN JUSTIN'S BEDROOM. He sees Justin looking at him serious

JUSTIN

Hello, George. Sit. I was waiting for you. (George sits intrigued) I talked to your boss, Mr. Loo, and we decided to get you fired. It seems I'm more…um…what's the word…? Right, PERFECT. More perfect than you. (George is speechless) Oh, and don't think you can get me fired in any ways. Mr. Loo's daughter, Sylvia, is my new girlfriend and she can do everything for me. Aren't you proud of your son now? (George doesn't reply anything and instantly calls Mike)

GEORGE

Mike, hey! This is Justin's father. Could you please come over and convince him to go gay again? Please? [...] No, I'm not drunk, son. I'm serious! I prefer him a gay goof to a straight asshole! […] We can play the heaven game! (suddenly we HEAR Mona's screaming outside. George runs off to: THE HALL, and SEES Mona covered in shit) WHAT THE…?

MONA

I accidentally fell into the bucket of my diarrhea! (Osama runs away crying)

GEORGE

Okay, that's it. (he dials a number) Hey, Tony, this is Mona's father. Could you please ask Mona out? […] Hey don't call her geeky shit, okay? please, Tony, I'm begging you! Please make her popular again! (fire alarm sets off. George runs off to: the KITCHEN, while girls break inside for Justin. He sees Melanie trying to turn out a small fire) What happened? (she throws a fire blanket to the oven)

MELANIE

I was thinking about what you said and I forgot about the food! I'm a robot to you?

GEORGE

This is NOT what I meant, babes. I meant you are...too perfect for me.

MELANIE

You know what, you're right! And I'm afraid that's your problem, darling…I'm sorry but you don't belong here anymore! (he doesn't reply and runs away desperate)

SCENE 8 - IN THE STREET - EVENING - EXT.

GEORGE

Homeless lady? Umm, ma'am? Ring woman! (she appears behind him)

HOMELESS LADY

Problems with your perfect family?

GEORGE

YOU! Why did you give me this ring? You totally destroyed me!

HOMELESS LADY

You wished for a perfect family, didn't you? (he nods positively) But did you wish for a perfect you? (George seems disappointed)

HOMELESS LADY

Now make a wish that you really mean, George! (he looks at the ring; she disappears)

SCENE 9 – IN THE HOUSE/ HALL – EVENING – INT.

George goes away holding his luggage while the others –who are dressed as they used to be now- look at him disappointed. AFTER SOME MINUTES, doorbell rings. Justin opens up and it's Mike with Tony

JUSTIN

Mike? What are you doing here?

MONA

Oh my God, Tony!

MIKE

Your father called us to ask you two out...(they get shocked. Melanie runs away)

SCENE 10 – OUTSIDE THE TRAIN STATION – NIGHT – EXT.

George is sad and sits on the stairs. Melanie appears

MELANIE

Hey, loser.

GEORGE

Melanie! (he smiles) I love it when you call me that.

MELANIE

I saw what you did with Tony and Mike.

GEORGE

Well, I realized that if you can't accept and love your family the way they are, you can only cause a huge explosion of shit, right?

MELANIE

Aww you said it just perfect… (she kisses him) Oh and George? I love you.

GEORGE

I love you. And you know, after all, it's better that we're not perfect. You know, any system would fail if we didn't have our flaws and our weaknesses… (they start walking away happy) Babe, have I ever told you that I love this dress? Like it's so imperfect that becomes perfect? You know what I'm saying?

MELANIE

Whoa, mister, calling me imperfect is okay. Calling my styling so? Not so good!

GEORGE

Oh God, sorry… I can still catch the train, you know… (she laughs)

11


End file.
